Centrepiece Online | Fall 2011

A Centre Parent at Last

The first time it really hit me was when I opened a Centre envelope at home addressed to me, only to find that the letter inside was . . . from me. It began to sink in that after almost 32 years of working with Centre parents, I now am one.

My youngest son, John Ross Wyatt ’15, is in this fall’s first-year class.

The letter was one I’d sent to welcome new parents into the Centre family, offering advice about banking, tips for move-in day, and ways to help prepare their son or daughter for the big transition to college. The challenge now is will I follow my own advice?

Today’s parents are fodder for books and articles in all the mainstream newspapers. They’re every sociologist’s dream. They’re called “helicopter” and “dive bomber” and even “kamikaze” parents. What causes them to hover so, to not let go? What causes their children to cling . . . and cling?

My oldest son, Andrew, just graduated from Kentucky Wesleyan College—and had a wonderful experience there—so I’ve already been a college parent for a while. But having a student right on the doorstep of the place I’ve spent my professional lifetime seemed more challenging. Did I really know what to expect as a Centre parent? Had I been telling Centre parents the truth, giving them good advice all these years?

In 32 years at Centre, my position has evolved from work with alumni, through event planning, and finally into one that includes “parent” in the title. Yet although the title itself is relatively recent, it’s clear that the College has long had all the elements for a successful parent program.

We had a parents committee, a Parents Association, Family Weekend, and parent newsletters. Centre even had a Parent Fund (which we suspect now leads the nation in the percentage of parent giving—thank you, alumni, for blazing that trail!).

We’ve added a Facebook page, e-mail messages, and a few other bells and whistles, but the nuts and bolts of our parent program are well-proven, even as other institutions scramble to keep up with the demands of these new pilot parents, this generation of consumers.

When I first arrived at Centre in 1979, parents rarely called the College. Students called home once a week on Sunday afternoons. Now, when I walk across campus, nearly every student I see is talking to a parent. You can just tell. Contact is immediate and constant. My office phone rings a lot, and today’s parents feel free to call if the water in the shower has been too cold for the past week, or if the roommate stays up too late, or if they think their student hasn’t made any friends and is hiding in the room doing nothing but playing video games. I would have died if my parents had done that.

 And though I do encounter helicopter parents, I find that most are not. In spite of the media stereotype, most parents are well-meaning and mostly seek reassurance and information. While a few overstep boundaries, most parents today simply want to know that they are doing what they should. Centre nudges them to let their student handle things or gives them the information to guide their student toward handling a problem, and that’s usually enough for them.

After orientation, lots of these pilot parents send thank yous to my office. They just needed to be told that everything is okay; that in this high stress, crazy world, they are leaving their son or daughter in a safe place and that this place will continue to support both them and their student, in a different way now, but with love, attention, and concern for their well-being.

I hope I have not been listening to my own messages too long now to let myself get the better of me. I am going to pay attention to what I didn’t need to tell that early generation of parents, but what I have increasingly told this new generation—let go. It’s really okay. You have done a great job raising this young person. Centre is now your partner. We will cherish your students for four years and return them to you better than when you first left them.